Sadly, while the instruction manual that comes with every cell phone may tell you how to turn it on, it doesn’t manage to cover basic human decency. So we put together a list of 11 (cause 10 just wasn’t enough) cell phone habits that really grind our gears. We call it behavioural troubleshooting 101.
Talking on Speaker in Public
It’s bad enough we have to hear you loud mouth your way through a call, but now we have to listen in on the other side too? There’s an earpiece for a reason. Use it.
Are you really so busy that you can’t wait to finish wiping before you reply to that text? Is this incoming call so important that the sound of you peeing in the background is just a chance you’re going to have to take? There’s simply nothing worse than sitting in a stall next to someone carrying on a conversation.
That’s right. No more. We saw that you called and we’ll get back to you. There is not a cell phone on the market that doesn’t have caller ID. If you really need to convey something, send an email or a text. We hate dealing with that automated middleman when you’re just going to end up telling us exactly what you said on your message when we call you back anyway.
We’re not saying you can’t talk on the streetcar. But it is called public transportation, which means nobody stepped on hoping to hear about how hungover you are this morning or your insights into the latest season of the Bachelor. Just try to keep what’s private, private.
Texting and Walking
When we see someone coming down the sidewalk typing on their phone we feel like we’re playing a game of chicken we have no chance of winning. We’re surprised cars don’t wipe out more of these blind thumb jockeys when they step into the street.
Unreasonable Response Times
Stop sending us a text to make sure we got your first text. And don’t call us if we don’t respond to either of them. We got it, we thought about it, and we’ll get back to you when we’re good and ready. For God’s sake, maybe we’re busy respecting the bathroom rule…
Using Non-Confirmed Short Forms
We’re glad that you’re feeling all FTBOTC today but we have no idea what the hell that means. Please just stick to the basics. Abbreviations are for communicating language, not inventing a new one.
Texting During Meetings/Important Conversations
You know what this says? It says that you’re not in a meeting or important conversation with us but rather with the person you’re texting. Which is weird cause we’re the ones RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU.
Talking While Driving (Not Hands-Free)
Why are you still doing this? Do you know what year it is? Do you know the technological advancements we’ve made to render this completely unnecessary? And why do you think putting your phone on speaker and holding it up in front of your mouth is any different than holding it to your ear?
Talking While Talking
Sound confusing? It’s not. If you’re on the phone don’t try to talk to us or anyone else at the same time. Ask the person you’re on the phone with to hold on while you remove the phone from your ear and at least offer us the slightest hint that your intention is to fully engage with us.
Not Having a Cell Phone
For all the things that cell phone users do to bother us, not having a cell phone is the biggest one. Do you think it’s cool to frustrate the entire world? It’s the 21st Century – embrace it. We wouldn’t pick you up in a horse and buggy and expect you to keep a straight face so don’t ask us to.
Cover Image by: Trespass Mag