Study Shows that Food and Water Pretty Much Do Nothing to Help Your Hangover

Maybe pizza can’t cure everything.

If you’ve ever woken up after a night of heavy drinking feeling like Chuck Norris was karate-chopping your brain, or worrying that eating the wrong thing could make you throw up your kidneys (not possible, by the way – I looked into it), then you’ve probably also heard about all the “tricks” people have for avoiding hangovers.

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There are those who swear by the “1 for 1”: one glass of water for each glass of booze. Some still believe in the old “bread soaks up the alcohol” myth and deliberately crank back crackers and baguettes with their ciders and Champagne. Some, perhaps the more classic among us, are all about the 3 Ps of late-night eats: Pizza, Poutine, and “Put As Much Sh*t in That F*cking Burrito As You Possibly Can.”

There is even a “doctor trusted” beverage out there called “Never Too Hungover” that uses a “proprietary formula comprised of a natural vitamin blend, antioxidants, amino acids, nutrients, and minerals” to help keep you in the clear.

But after a group of international researchers spent time surveying hundreds of students from both the Netherlands and Canada, their data concluded that there is only one sure way to avoid a hangover: drink less alcohol.

“Those who took food or water showed a slight statistical improvement in how they felt over those who didn’t,” said lead author Dr. Joris Verster, “but this didn’t really translate into a meaningful difference… The majority of those who in fact reported never having a hangover [accounting for 25-30% of drinkers] tended to drink less…”

More specifically, 79% of those who claimed to not experience a hangover had an estimated blood-alcohol level of only 0.10% – just a few sizeable gulps over our legal driving limit.

So while they may have thought their post-booze consumption practices were the mitigating factor, it was actually their inability to keep up the pace, bro.

Verster admitted that such studies based on survey data are limited in their objective insights and that he and the team plan to move forward with more “controlled trials.” But the data does represent valid information regarding the true healing power of that 3am slice of Hawaiian.

Don’t get us wrong. We’d never recommend against hydrating after a bender. And we certainly have nothing against you following up a party by always ordering the biggest pie on the menu. But much like the hangover itself, when you toss around blood-alcohol levels with exponents in them, the “preventative” benefits of your late-night remedies might mostly be in your head.

Either way, we’re obviously still getting the pizza.

This information has been brought to you by The International Institute of Stuff My Dumbest Friends Could Probably Have Told You for Free.

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